Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
