I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
