Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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