Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
