i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
