While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
