the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
