He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
organizing the empties. That sober.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
you had me at cake vodka
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
