Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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