would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
