He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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