so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
