Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
