I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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