yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Randomize
