Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize