no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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