Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
