I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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