ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
