Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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