shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
