There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
