I got chris browned last night
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
