remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Houston, we have a blender
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
