Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
