Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
