you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
