I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize