About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
this is an emotional support booty call
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
