I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
