I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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