I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
