Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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