It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
