yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
