I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
it was like his penis was on wheels.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
