Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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