FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
MIDGETS
????
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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