Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
