was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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