I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
