he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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