I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
