we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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