Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
My feet surprised me
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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