Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
