Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize