Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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