I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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