I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
