i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
