I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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