hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
