real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
