you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
