Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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