he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
