He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
