I think I won the penis lottery.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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