small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
