we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
