I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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