A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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