I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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