I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
