I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
