Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize