when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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