I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
