Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
