Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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