Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Couch. On fire.
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