Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
