guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
farters have to be the big spoon...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
