I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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