There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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