R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize