both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
