2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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