let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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