I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
