I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The air was thick with penises
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
